“As soon as I finish this piece of chocolate cake, I’m going on a diet.” Really?

“Give me one kiss. That’s all I want.” Really?

“I won’t need any instructions to put this together.” Really?

“All politicians are crooked.” Really?

“I’ve got a feeling this next lotto ticket will be a winner.” Really?

“This will be my last purchase. Then I’m getting out of debt.” Really?

“My spouse married up.” Really?

“This will be the last phone you will ever have to purchase.” Really?

“If my spouse would lose about 25 pounds, I would truly love her.” Really?

“My wife and I have never had an argument.” Really?

“It’s been a long week. I deserve to get wasted tonight.” Really?

“I will never look at another woman again.” Really?

“I promise never to raise your taxes again.” Really?

“God, if you help me through this, I will never do it again.” Really?

“If I could make about $10,000 more a year, I would be content.” Really?

“You’re grounded for the rest of your life!” Really?

“I’ll be so glad when these kids are grown and gone and I won’t have to worry about them.” Really?

“People that own their own business have it made.” Really?

“People that work for others have it made.” Really?

“I don’t believe any of this God stuff. Maybe if somebody did something crazy like come out of the grave, I’d give it some thought.” Really?

REX ALPHIN of Walters is a farmer, businessman, author, county supervisor and contributing columnist for The Tidewater News. His email address is rexalphin@aol.com.