by Abbie Long

Question: I am 14 years old. My mom is always reading my texts and trying to look through my phone. I think she is being controlling and overprotective, but she says as long as I live under her roof and pays for my phone she has the right to creep on me. A lot of my friends’ moms never look at their phones. What do you think?

Answer: You are driving down the highway. Does a State Trooper have the right to pull you over? Of course he does. The highway does not belong to you; it belongs to the State. This ownership entitles the State the right to set and enforce the rules with regard to your use of its highway. It’s up to you whether or not you choose to obey them. As long as you do the right thing and obey the rules, you will not get in trouble.

You are sitting in your office. Does your boss have the right to look at your work computer? Of course he does. The computer does not belong to you; it belongs to your company. This ownership entitles the company the right to set and enforce the rules with regard to your use of its computer. It’s up to you whether or not you choose to obey them. As long as you do the right thing and obey the rules, you will not get in trouble.

You are sitting in your room. Does your mom have the right to come in without knocking? Of course she does. The room does not belong to you; it belongs to your mom. This ownership entitles her the right to set and enforce the rules with regard to your use of your bedroom, your phone or any other thing she owns. It’s up to you whether or not you choose to obey them. As long as you do the right thing and obey the rules, you will not get in trouble.

While on the highway, in your office and in your room you will inevitably have to decide if you are going to obey certain rules that apply to your current environment or not. If you choose to obey the rules, you will be doing the “right” thing. If you choose not to obey the rules, you will be doing the “wrong” thing. Although we should always choose the “right” thing, we are human and no human can be trusted to choose the right thing 100 percent of the time. Why? Because, no human is or can be perfect.

Even if you’re as close to perfect as you can get and your mom realizes this, she knows the others around you cannot be trusted to behave that way. She has been your age at some point in the prehistoric past and has seen for herself how mean kids your age can be. This knowledge drives her actions and makes her appear controlling and overprotective. You need to understand, however, her actions toward you are not controlling and overprotective. She is trying to control and overly protect you from the bad actions of others who may hurt you.

Look at it this way. At least your mom loves and cares about you enough to want to protect you from the hurtful acts of others. Some kids aren’t as fortunate as you. Their moms care more about themselves, and as a result the kids end up doing many “wrong” things because it’s the only way they can get their moms’ attentions. These kids and their “wrong” actions are who and what your mom is trying to control so they won’t hurt you. I sure am glad I had a mom there for me with a shoulder to lean on whenever I needed one versus a mother whose shoulder only appeared to bail me out of jail. Aren’t you?

Remember, your decision to do “right” or to do “wrong” is completely up to you. If you’re not sure which choice is “right” and which is “wrong,” listen to the nudge deep inside of you. If your insides feel uncomfortable, this is nature’s way of warning you that you are headed in the “wrong” direction and toward danger. If you wish to avoid this danger, change direction immediately.

The more your mom sees you doing the “right” thing, the less you will see her doing the “creep” thing. The next time you catch her in “creep” action, sneak up on her, hug her and say, “I love you.” Walk away smiling. Be prepared to call 911 if she passes out. It’s OK. I am ready to except full responsibility for telling you to do the “right” thing.

ABBIE LONG is a Franklin native and advice columnist for The Tidewater News. Submit your questions to askabbie@tidewaternews.com