Q. Men say they want a woman with brains, but often choose a woman just for her looks. Do men contradict themselves when it comes to beauty vs. brains?

A. This is a very good question, yet it is complex. Lucky for you, I love talking about relationships! More importantly, I love helping people achieve healthy relationships. Everyone, not just men, say they want that nice and smart person to marry. However, it starts with who you date and who you are attracted to which is often a contradiction in itself.

I always say: men and women say one thing and date another! One reason this issue is so complex is because women often date to marry and guys date to date. They look at different qualities. For example, women often look for husband qualities while men are often simply looking for someone to hang out with and have fun with, but marriage is typically not on the mind of many young men at the beginning stages of a relationship. To be fair, women often say they want a nice guy, but tend to overlook the nice guy when he is often right in front of her. Again, men and women say one thing but date another.

Another reason this issue is so complex is due to attraction. Attraction is complex all by itself because it is made up of what we like, societal pressures, parental qualities, internal and external qualities and more. The good news for you is that research shows that most men say, though attractiveness is important, they do want to date someone who can hold a conversation.

In closing, only insecure people would date someone just for looks because we all know that outward beauty is skin deep but finding the right person to connect with emotionally, physically, spiritually can ensure you will have the kind of love that lasts a lifetime.

Why don’t you come join me for Couples College beginning Feb. 2? For 10 weeks, Singles will get hitched and learn about healthy relationship while married couples will rekindle their love for one another, both classes will have a mix of lessons and fun exercises.

Reserve your spot today at 757-773-1396.

DR. CARLETTA N. PERRY offers therapeutic life, relationship and career coaching. Catch her television show, “It’s Life Changing with Dr. Carletta Perry,” on Sundays at 11:30 p.m. on WSKY/SKY-4 and on YouTube. Email her at contact@drcarlettaperry.com.